After four days off, I was back at my IOP today. I was really anxious going in. I’m not sure why. Maybe the break threw my rhythm off or maybe I hadn’t gotten enough sleep. Whatever it was, I was nervous to go. It was to the point of trying to find an excuse not…

I’m through the second full week of my intensive outpatient program (IOP). This week was kind of a mixed bag. Last week, I felt like I made some progress. This week I had a bit of a dip. That’s to be expected in this sort of thing, but it’s still frustrating. For my check-in today,…

I overslept this morning. I was on time to the IOP, in fact I was the first one there, but I had to rush. I hate being rushed. It got my day off to a bad start. Check-ins were pretty standard today. I talked about how most of yesterday afternoon was good, but then I…

After yesterday’s Zoom session, today was back to normal, in person, IOP. And, unlike yesterday, we had a big group. I’m torn about whether I like big group or small group better. I get less work done during big group, but I stand out more during small group. I guess it’s a tossup. I had…

Turns out snow does affect my IOP. Today’s group was over Zoom. And only one other person showed up. We had the clinician and two group members. And the other group member only lasted the first two hours. The third hour was just me and the clinician. Needless to say, it was a weird day….

After two days off, I was back to my intensive outpatient program (IOP) this morning. I was about ten minutes early, but I wasn’t the first to arrive. Two people were there ahead of me. I did beat the clinician, though, so the day started on my phone. I keep thinking I should try talking…

I survived the first full week of my intensive outpatient program (IOP). The name doesn’t lie, it was intense. I’m exhausted. It’s kind of amazing how much work emotional labor can be. I’m trying to decide if I’ve changed after my first week, but it’s hard to tell. I’m still having the intrusive thoughts, but…

I was feeling pretty down when I got to my IOP this morning. I don’t know why. I didn’t sleep well last night, but that’s pretty normal for me. One of the real joys of depression is feeling down for no reason. Today’s one of those days, I guess. I talked about my low mood…

Today definitely started better than yesterday did. I slept OK last night. I woke up once around three, but that was it and I was able to get back to sleep. That meant that I woke up on time, showered, ate something, and was ready to go without any rushing. I even arrived at the…

Day four of my IOP is in the books. Today was just OK. Not through any fault of the program. It was my own fault. Well, not really my fault, it would be wrong to assign blame. I slept terribly last night. If I could control that, I would take the blame, but I can’t…