About a year ago, I wrote a piece about how I was going on first dates, but none of them turned into second dates. I’d heard all these stories about happy couples who met online, but it wasn’t working for me. Some people suggested to me that the problem was that I was only using the free dating sites and you get what you pay for. Match.com was highly recommended, so I decided to sign up. I paid for a year’s subscription. Unless something dramatic happens in the next two weeks, it will have been a waste of money.
The only real difference between Match and the other sites I had tried was I could see who looked at my profile and who liked me. In theory, if I sent a message to someone who had been checking me out, there was a better chance of a response. That didn’t seem to be the case for me. I’ve had fewer first dates this year than I had last year. The only upside is that I actually did have two second dates this year. But neither one went anywhere. The first one, I accidentally ghosted. She sent me a note at a bad time, and by the time I got around to reply, like a week had gone by and it felt weird replying after a week. Since she also didn’t reach out to me during that week, I figured it wasn’t meant to be. The second one just told me she wasn’t interested after the second date.
It’s gotten me thinking that online dating just won’t work for me. Everyone says in their profiles that they don’t want a lot of texting. They want to meet, see if there’s a spark, and move on or pursue the relationship depending on whether there was a spark or not. I can’t move that quickly. I’ve discovered that I can’t tell anything from a person’s profile. A few pictures and a blurb aren’t nearly enough for me to form any opinion at all. A couple of messages back and forth doesn’t help much, then we’re on a date, then the whole thing’s over and I still haven’t gotten around to deciding whether I’m interested or not.
Never in my life have I looked at a woman and thought that I’d like to date her. I have to get to know her first. Online is not conducive to getting to know someone. Going on dates is a legitimate way to get to know someone, but so far I haven’t found anyone willing to go on a bunch of dates just so I can make up my mind if I’m actually interested in dating them. And I don’t see that changing.
Unfortunately, there really doesn’t seem to be any other way to meet people now. Giving up seems like the sensible thing to do. I should just adopt sad sack as an identity. It doesn’t cost anything and there’s no pressure. It might not make me happy, but it seems easier than a midlife crisis. But I’ll at least wait the two weeks. You never know.
