I survived the first full week of my intensive outpatient program (IOP). The name doesn’t lie, it was intense. I’m exhausted. It’s kind of amazing how much work emotional labor can be. I’m trying to decide if I’ve changed after my first week, but it’s hard to tell. I’m still having the intrusive thoughts, but…
I was feeling pretty down when I got to my IOP this morning. I don’t know why. I didn’t sleep well last night, but that’s pretty normal for me. One of the real joys of depression is feeling down for no reason. Today’s one of those days, I guess. I talked about my low mood…
Today definitely started better than yesterday did. I slept OK last night. I woke up once around three, but that was it and I was able to get back to sleep. That meant that I woke up on time, showered, ate something, and was ready to go without any rushing. I even arrived at the…
Day four of my IOP is in the books. Today was just OK. Not through any fault of the program. It was my own fault. Well, not really my fault, it would be wrong to assign blame. I slept terribly last night. If I could control that, I would take the blame, but I can’t…
Day three of my IOP was today. I woke up early but really didn’t want to go. I knew I couldn’t miss a day, though. Not for such a flimsy excuse as not feeling like it. So, I went and I’m glad I went. I’m no longer the newest person in the group. I still…
Day two of my IOP was this morning. Just like yesterday, I checked in at the desk and went up to the room. Today I was the first person to arrive. It felt like a lot longer than it was before the rest of the group started trickling in. There were two people who hadn’t…
I started my intensive outpatient program (IOP) today. I walked in and checked in at the desk. They told me what room to go to and I headed up the stairs to the room. I was about ten minutes early, but there were already four or five people there when I arrived. They were all…
Recently I’ve been having suicidal ideations. It’s scared the crap out of me. I want it to stop. Since it’s not stopping, though, my therapist recommended an intensive outpatient program (IOP). I agreed. I want to document my experiences in the program. I think it will help me to make sense of what’s happening. Today…
I was in Puerto Rico last year when I met the living legend Rita Moreno. I had just started a new job as an arts reviewer, and I told her my philosophy behind reviewing things. “I try to always be positive, because I know how hard it is to create something and how easy it…
For the first time in my life, I don’t feel safe. There have been times before when I was in danger. I’ve been in two car accidents. I’ve been in blizzards and hurricanes. But this is different. Those dangers were external. They weren’t a part of me. This feeling is internal and feels deeply personal….
