A year ago, I went through an intensive outpatient program (IOP) because I was having suicidal ideations. I wrote a series of posts at the time chronicling my journey. When I realized that was a whole year ago, it got me thinking, and I figured I’d share my thoughts.
The first thing is that the IOP worked. I haven’t had a suicidal thought in over a year. I’m happy to be able to say that.
Next is the fact that I really remember most of the IOP. Each day, they’d give us a tool to work on. The tools were things like mindfulness, grounding, opposite action, etc. A year later and I still remember them. I use them frequently. Whenever I’m feeling uncomfortable, I ground myself. Whenever I need to do something against my inclinations, I use opposite action. I was afraid at the time that I wouldn’t keep up once I was feeling better. That’s a common pitfall for people suffering from mental health disorders. But I have kept up with it, and I’m proud of myself for that.
Another nice thing is that the IOP didn’t just help with the suicidal ideations. It’s helped me with my whole unemployed/underemployed saga. The tools aren’t unitaskers. I’d imagine that they could help in all kinds of situations. I think I’ll keep them around.
The IOP wasn’t all kittens and rainbows, though. There were definitely some downsides. The first thing that comes to mind is that it took a lot of time. It lasted about two months. We met every morning. I wasn’t able to work during the process.
It was also really intense. I know that’s right in the name, but it was really, really intense. I went home and slept most days. I was wiped out, constantly, for about two months. That’s not very fun for anyone.
Overall, it was a good experience, though. Two months and a bunch of naps were worth it to stop being suicidal. The IOP helped me get my head on straight, which is something I desperately needed at the time.
