As I’ve mentioned, I’m kind of dreading the new Star Wars movie. I’m going to see it, but I just haven’t been able to see any way it can be any good. I mean, Force Awakens was just so bad. How can The Last Jedi, a sequel to a bad movie with a nonsensical plot and sloppy (at best) character work, possibly be anything but bad itself? I think I may have an answer.
***
It opens with a shot of space and then a ship passes in front of the camera (It is Star Wars after all). Then we move into the ship and see a sleeping figure in his quarters. He awakens suddenly and turns on the lights to reveal Luke Skywalker. Luke shakes his head and presses a button on the console by the bed. “Leia,” he says, “Do you have a minute? I want to talk to you about something. I just had the most messed up dream.”
“I’ll be right over,” she replies.
A minute later, the two are sitting at a table in Luke’s quarters. “I don’t know where to start,” he says. “You and Han had split up and Han was back to being a smuggler.”
Leia guffawed. “A smuggler? General Solo, one of the most decorated soldiers in the Rebellion, decided to chuck it all and go back to being a smuggler?”
“I told you it was messed up. And he had lost the Millennium Falcon.”
“That’s even crazier. I mean, I wouldn’t mind. Sometimes I think he loves that ship more than he loves me. . .”
“And your son was in the dream, too.”
“Ben?”
“Yeah. He turned to the dark side because he wanted to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps. What better way to do that than to ignore the character arc of his grandfather’s story, right? I’m just gonna go and recreate the biggest mistake of my grandfather’s life, the one that ruined him and he regretted bitterly when he died. That’s a great way to honor someone.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I mean, he spent half his childhood chatting with Dad’s force ghost. No one knows the remorse he felt better than Ben.”
“I know. I told you the dream was messed up.”
“What else happened?”
“Well, I was a complete coward ran away to hide because things weren’t going my way. But I left a puzzle for you to solve if you wanted to find me.”
“Huh?”
“Best not to think about it. Oh, and after we won the rebellion, we never bothered dismantling the Empire’s armed forces, let alone founding a new government. There were still Storm Troopers in my dream.”
He pauses as Leia laughs and laughs. “Next thing you’re gonna tell me,” she says, “is that there’s another Death Star.”
“There was.” Now they’re both laughing hysterically. As Luke calms down, he says, “Oh and there was this girl who, without any training, made every other force wielder in history look pathetic. She had no clear motivation or character arc, though, so it was hard to get too invested. Then there were a few other people who didn’t seem to be connected to anything else.”
“Wow,” Leia says, “You’re right. That is one messed up dream. But now that you’re awake, let’s get Han and start our day.”
The scene closes.
***
I think this can work. It would take a solid half hour of screen time, but it would be worth it. Although, I’m not at all confident. Disney didn’t bother asking me what they should do for the new movie. And if they happened to have the same idea I had, the trailers are incredibly misleading. But, I’m an optimist. I have a little more than a week to hope this will happen. And if it turns out my hope is misplaced, they are more than welcome to use my idea in the third movie.
